Emptiness

Have you ever felt an emptiness and you just don't know why? That is how I feel right now and there is no reason for it. It isn't sadness, or any emotion at all. Its almost as if you are detached from the world around you and I really don't understand it.

I had a great weekend. Friday night I was able to go out and have a few drinks (okay 4) and I acted a little silly. I also met a very interesting older gentleman who, no he wasn't hitting on me, just liked to talk about the good 'ol days of dancing. I could see a sparkle in his eye when he talked about dances like the mashed potatoe. It was the same sparkle I feel when I dance. It was kind of like talking to a grandfather, if I ever had a grandfather to talk to that is. Anyway, as I said, I enjoyed Friday night.

Life doesn't stop when you have children, it just begins. They teach you so much about who you are and make you realize that who you've been pretending to be for most of your life, just isn't you. Very few people have actually seen the real me. The me who doesn't try to become the person people think I should be. My husband is one of those few. I can be exactly myself with him and he loves me for who I am. So why can't I be that same person with everyone I know?

Perhaps that is why I feel empty this evening.

On to happier things. Saturday morning we went for our annual KofC breakfast at Play Ball for St. Jo's. Then we came home, packed a picnic and took the girls to their swim lesson. After swimming we went to a picnic that I helped organize for the parents who belong to the CPO NB board. It was great to meet people I had chatted with and shared with and it was kind of neat that 4 of us who met last year (well I already knew 1) have now become friends.

I also felt bad though. There was a new mom to the board who would really like to become a part of our playgroup. I know what its like to have no one to socialize with during the day and to want that adult conversation. I think that the other ladies in the playgroup are happy with things the way they are. One of the mothers suggested maybe we get together with her once a month. I think I may contact her and get together with her a little more than that. I hate leaving anyone out. How would I feel if I were the newcomer and the other women were saying, "um no, we have enough friends. Thanks anyway" I know how I would feel, I would feel like shit.

After our picnic on Saturday we went for a short walk with the girls and then headed home. I finished the book I had been reading, Prey by Michael Crichton, and then went to bed.

This morning I woke up with this empty feeling that I have right now. I really didn't feel like going to Bible study or church. So I dropped D off at Sunday School and came home. Then an hour later, I picked her up, and came home. Then I had to drive G to get a rent-a-car, then I came home. I played some WoW while G laid down for a nap. (he was up with D most of the night) Then we had a roast beef supper and G headed to Halifax.

He's finally going to get something done about his tumors. I am so glad that they are going to treat them aggressively now, instead of waiting for them to grow and cause problems. I really hope they find them all and are able to get rid of them. I hate seeing him in pain. Not to mention how annoying the groaning can get ;) j/k

Tomorrow morning is playgroup. Lets hope I feel better in the morning.